| its been a while, and this bursts out |
[06 Dec 2005|09:11pm] |
so its been a while since ive wrote even one word.
now i feel the urge to splat my inner feelings on this internet journal to get my words across, with every bit of hope running through my body that this will reach out and change you people i encounter every day.
this is my speech.
and please let it be heard and take my words to heart.
another life has been shattered. more dreams were smuthered, and left for nothing.
another young face full of life is now 6 feet below us.
and why you ask? who?
well if you didnt know this boy who was full of life, then you never will.
and you will never know who he is, how he lived, where, when, what he loved, what he hated.
what did his young blood shed to?
drugs.
his life ended for the quick pleasure of you little friend. your friend who's "there for you", always
your friend who will never turn her back. your friend who will never let you down.
who will always keep you fucking high.
your friend heroin.
who will bight you in the ass if you leave her.
when you try to tell her your special relationship isn't working out but she wont have it.
and it's not just you and her, because she brings her friends, crack, coke, meth, LSD, marijuana.
why do he waste our lives with substances that mean shit. who take everything from us, and just stab us in the back.
let this young mans death, and millions of others influence you to not end up the same, or do the same.
please do this for him. if not him, do it for someone you knew, hung out with, laughed with, got high with.. that all of a sudden way day you find out youll never seen their smiling face again.
you'll see it one last time, until they close the coffin.
but this time, he is not smiling, or laughing or breathing.
he lies their dead, being God's message sent to teach all of you that you are wrong. and will pay.
just like he and millions others did.
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| rollercoaster baby |
[18 Apr 2005|12:22pm] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
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music |
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THE DOORS! |
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ok.. if you read my live journals.. you'll figure out ym life is the biggest rollercoaster ever!
one day i say something and the next its the complete opposite. haha maybe its just me
me and joey just can live without each other. i dont know why.
i think i can but i really cant.
hes like a vaccume and sucks me in ahhhhhh
love makes you do crazy things. call me crazy. i am, ill admitt it
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| fuck you sluttttttttt |
[13 Apr 2005|04:04pm] |
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mood |
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 melancholy |
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music |
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yer blues-the beatles |
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i didn't so anything.
pull my hair out and slit my wrists.
injure my already wounded heart.
stare me in the fucking eyes and tell me its over, for good.
be my life once lost.
just what i want, are you happy?
has anyone noticed that everything always comes to an end. take everything for granted. be as selfish as possible. always keep living. alone.
take the hands of lovers and cut them off.
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[20 Feb 2005|10:32am] |
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mood |
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 ecstatic |
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music |
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the beatles-sgt peppers lonely hearts club band |
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wellll its been so much fun since me and joey have broken up.
i miss him so much, but im moving on with living my life. he should too, im enjoying it.
friends every day, parties every night, im lovin' it.
ive met soooo many new people.. and sooo many new HOTTT guys.
friday night cynthia came over and we invited a couple people while my parents were gone.. well then it turned into a party. i had fun.
last night we went to gabes. aahhhh laguna people!! fun fun fun!
i miss him, i love him, and ill never forget him. but im sorry, im just over it.
he forced me to.
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[16 Feb 2005|09:37pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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zeppelin |
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my last log in was absolutely true. except, ive now lost him.
he broke up with me, how could he break up with me?.. it was totally unexpected.
i thought we were doing better
but when life starts smoothing out, it bites you in the ass.
i told him i always get left, and he told me he always gets left.
i was right again and i think i have problems.
things are getting better, im feeling better. i got ready for school today. ive been hanging out with bobby more, and samantha, and cynthia a little. i love them.
friends are the cure or heart break.
everyone says im better than him, but am i really?
if i was.. he wouldnt of left me. but maybe he was just angry. if i am.. hell come back,
and ill say good bye.
good bye.
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[29 Jan 2005|08:38pm] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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music |
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the sound of peace and happiness |
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i lost my friends.
i lost my job.
i lost my grades.
i lost my sanity.
i lost my dignity.
i lost my trust.
i lost my life.
all for you..
and now, ive lost you.
even though we're still together, we grow more apart every day.
it sucks.
the move to california was pointless. theres nothing here for me.
but when im with him, i forget.
i lost him, so my friends will come back.
ill be 16 in a month, i can get a good job.
my grades are coming up.
ill never get my sanity back.
i can gain trust with the truth.
when all thats accomplished, i live my new life.
and for you.. youll always be in my heart, but it's time for me to move on.
and maybe then, in a while, things will get better, not the same but better.
"patience is virtue".. he always says.
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| life has it's ups and downs. |
[23 Jan 2005|06:51pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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music |
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dyer maker- zeppelin |
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its funny.. how when you think things are finally looking up for you, and the next day it's all over.
how can that happen to one?
i still you love. i always will. no matter what anyone says.
ill block out the negatives.
and here ill wait for you in patience.
heart break sucks.. its almost impossible to piece it back together.
if you have any advice.. let me know.
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[17 Jan 2005|08:35pm] |
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really.. im so over joey. fuck that stupid cunt.
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[30 Dec 2004|09:19am] |
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mood |
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 loved |
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music |
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tom petty |
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wow. i have a computer and i have time to update.. things are changing.
it happened. finally. it was great.
"i love you"... what good words to hear, especially from someone you love.
i can now say... if there's any guys out there that want me.. you now have no chance. sorry.
IM IN LOVE WITH MY JOEY AND ILL SAY IT LOUD AND PROUD
just give me my music. let me rock. live large. smoke joints. and let me live with my joey in peace and happiness.
this si the first time ill admitt it.. and the only... i love life.
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[11 Nov 2004|08:38pm] |
so...
my mom got a job at the LA airport
then, the next day.. we sell our house
then... i go house shopping
insane stuff guys
everythings happening so fast.
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[30 Oct 2004|10:46am] |
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 The beauty i live with
 Sisterssss
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| uuuhhhoooo |
[30 Oct 2004|10:27am] |
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mood |
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 cranky |
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music |
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sublime |
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fuck dude...
yesturday me joe and taylor were all high and got pulled over..
the cops are pretty tight out here..
if it happened in texas we wouldve all been searched and me got sent home since im a minor.
joe got 3 tickets.. fuck dude its gonna be alot.
i dont think i wanna hang out with him anymore since my age seems to be such a problem all the time to him
im 15.. hes 18
hes 18 his friends are 21
equal distance of age, 3 years
i guess the word "15" sounds like a kid
you know by law everyone under 16 is "a child"
im not a fucking child man
fuck that whatever... if i get in trouble, i get in trouble
halloeween tomorrow! partyyyyyyyyyy
peace
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[23 Oct 2004|11:24am] |
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mood |
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music |
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blank |
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so me and jonathan are over. for good.
that could be a good thing.
its been over for a while, i just didnt want to admitt it.
he told amanda he "wont give up".. theres no point in trying.
so theres this guy..
i see him and a smile just comes automatically.
he makes me so happy.
but i dont like him.
TEXAS-November 11
everyone write it on your calenders.
well shits the same. i miss my brother. i miss playing guitar. i miss having free time.
the happiest times out here on when we're at the beach at 2 in the morning looking at all th stars.
im so content.
i miss you grant
dont forget me.. im coming back
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| blaaa |
[03 Oct 2004|10:24am] |
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mood |
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crappy |
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music |
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refugee-tom petty |
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well, i guess i havent updated in forever.
there's so much to write about.
i want to start off by saying.. sorry texas for disappearing. i know that i left, and no ones really heard from me since. i dont like it out here. i dont like the people. i dont like the clothes. i dont like the drama. but im stuck and cant come back so..
the only good thing about out here is i smoke almost everyday for free. and it's all chronic. the guys wear tight pants. die blonde streaks in their hair, and wear make-up.
i feel like im always on quere eye for the straight guy.
i miss tara. i miss amber. i miss max. i miss antwon (my brother). i miss john. i miss sarah.
there's no one like you guys out here.
i saw a girl the other day that looked like kara and i got all excited. too bad.
they're all drunks ou here.. too bad i dont drink.
if you do drugs (other than alcohol).. you're fucking stupid.
im "with" jonathan. hes the only one i have. even amandas turned over to the machine. but i love him with everything thing i have. too bad all he is is trouble. i hate it.
i got a job.. at juice stop. i work today and they hired my badass friend rachel. >shes the "individual" at my lame highschool. i try to avoid people and be by myself at lunch but it doesnt work. amandas friends ask me why im alone. do i have to be with someone always?
no brooke and samantha.. i gotta admitt those are some sweet girls. i love them. sarah cracks me up. i have nothing to say about the other one.
i went to knott's scary farm last night. if you dont know what it is.. look it up. it's badass. i was so scared at first but then it got lame. im over my fear of monsters and the dark. yessssss
get this.. there's no way i can skip without getting caught at mission. unbelievable. if any of you people reading this sees max.. tell him i said i miss him. but im moving back some day so its ok.
o ya!! everyone im coming out there but you guys all have to leave a comment and tell me which weekend is best.
hhhmmm well i have to get ready for work.
peace
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[27 Aug 2004|12:03pm] |
ooo my god..
guess what! the worst thing happened..
im probably lactose and tolerant! ahh.. i love milk and everything with milk in it, what the fuck?!
well california's alright..
there's this bitch who wont leave me alone cuz jonathan, we're not even together.
and i smoke everyday for free.
ive met some cool people
but i miss you kids out there in texas.
i got a job at juice stop.. i work for this insane korean guy and make smoothies all day. pretty easy. and some hot guys come in alot.
heyy 6.75 and hour.. better then texas
god no more ice cream or chocolate milk, i gotta get use to this.
peace
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| THIS FUCKING SUCKS |
[14 Aug 2004|03:27pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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music |
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dyer maker |
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god damnit everythings shitty right now, and theres nothing i can do.
me and jonathan we're oviously planning on being boyfriend and girlfriend when i got out there on september 6. it was going to be perfect. we wouldve been the perfect couple. we're so in love and are getting married..
well when you think things are going to be perfect they always turn out the opposite.
he fucked up. and has to pay. hes getting locked up for 1-3 years. we dont know yet.
the first day it was a shock to me since im only 3 weeks away from moving out there.
then yesturday i cried all day. it's so unreal.
im moving in three weeks, im going to being losing all my friends, and just lost my best friend.
moving to mexico seems like the best option right now. ide rather be dirt poor in mexico and just fall asleep in his arms every night than be 1-3 years without him.
ill wait for him.. i promise. when he gets out ill probably be 18, we can get an apartment together. thatll be 5 years of us being together. wow.
im not saying i wont be there for him the WHOLE time, but if i meet someone in cali, i wont turn down the opportunity.
everyone reading this.. just think about someone your in love with being locked up and you being alone for 2 years. its hard.
well im just thinking positive and trying to keep him thinking positive and itll be over before we know it.
im going to cali monday for school stuff so ill see him and then tuesday hes turning himself in and getting arrested.
im just so disappointed in him that he didnt straighten up since im moving back.
what if we lose touch?
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[13 Aug 2004|01:43pm] |
"Everytime"
Notice me
Take my hand
Why are we
Strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me?
Everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby
I make believe
That you are here
It's the only way
I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy
And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby
I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song is my sorry
Ohhhh
At night I pray
That soon your face
Will fade away
And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby
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| THE LOVE OF MY LIFE |
[26 Jul 2004|01:54pm] |
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mood |
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touched |
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music |
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dyer maker |
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NAPOLEON DYNAMITE IS THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE.. IF YOU HAVENT SEEN HIS MOVIE THEN GO SEE IT. IT'S SO GREAT. ME AND TARA GOT HIS NUMBER AND CALLED HIM ON THE PHONE AND IT ACTUALLY WAS HIM! AW MAN MY LIFE IS COMPLETE..
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| ha fun nights |
[22 Jul 2004|10:44pm] |
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mood |
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bouncy |
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music |
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wish you were here |
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haha man have i made some memories the past week..
first i snuck out with danae, tara, tc, toby, and zach.. we went up to austin on the cliffs and sat around drinking beer and smoking cigs. then we went swimming in our under clothes ;).. which was fun
a couple days later i snuck out to ambers and her mom gave us alcohol. well when i came back home my dad was up and my mom kicked my ass.. haha, proudly said. i was so drunk i was like fuck it.. amber im running away to your house.
to make the story short my dad caught me..
thennn last night.. o god. some dumbasses came to my grandmas and were being extremely loud while she was AWAKE so i was pissed.
we left with these 18 year old guys who COULDNT get introuble for curfue but we could and im on probation so should be in at 8 everynight..
well we were at the park and a cop rolled up and flashed his little sopt light on us and me and tara took off into the woods.. haha i had no fuckin clue where i was going and taras screaming "where are we going?!" and i was like "just follow me, dont stop running"
danae hid in the slide and didnt get caught.. what the hell
FUN NIGHT
well now im talking to jonathan and allisons coming over and we're all going to see napolian dynamite so im excited!!!
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